A Crisis of Religious Identity

Mankind’s belief in a power greater then himself has been around throughout all of human history. Religion can be based off the fact that there is an entity or entities that hold vast power over all things living and dead. When It comes to choosing a religion, or being exposed to one for the very first time, we tend to follow in the paths of our parents, family or guardians… we choose to believe, simply because it is how we were raised.

I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, who sent all of their children to Private institutions where the lines of education and religion meld to form a community of followers and a sense of fellowship.

As I got older, and entered the realm of the public school, I quickly learned things are “different” here. I came to the realization that not everyone has the same beliefs as I do (as I was surrounded by people “like” me my entire life.) It was strange, because after being exposed to Catholicism since I was born (8 years worth of private schooling, and even more attending church) and going through all of the steps to become a Confirmed member of the church I saw that people can believe there is no God at all. It is baffling to enter a new community where beliefs and perceptions on Divinity can be so different.

I took a step back, did some research, met some new people, and came to a startling thought. “What if this is wrong? What if God doesn’t exist? Then, where did we come from?

As I grow older and start questioning the world — both physical and spiritual — more and more, the flaws (or my own perceived flaws) in the way I was raised grow dreadfully apparent.

The questions that lead me to these flaws are these:

• Isn’t it selfish that “we” believe God only created “us?”
• There was this God, he created the heavens and the Earth, yet why has he had no apparent impact on the world, not even to prove he exists in time of doubt, other than through scripture or teachings by other human beings?
• Does God need to prove he exists?
• Do we create God to simply give us comfort?
• Do we use the notion of Faith and God to bring us together? If so, why has Religion caused more pain and suffering, death and destruction more than anything in Human History combined?

I begin to look at other faiths of the world, and begin to shift my stance on religion. “I think I’m slowly becoming agnostic” I tell my friends. After all, it is better leave the notion of a Divine entity open, as to not become ignorant to others beliefs, but to rather encompass them into an open-mind.

I find myself exploring deeper into faith and spirit, and more trapped in a crisis that I find hard to explain. There seems to me like there should be more than good and evil, or heaven and hell. It seems so black and white that those are the only possibilities that arise after death, and that the life you lead decides your fate.

Fate is something I don’t believe in, yet “God has a plan for each and everyone of us” is a teaching I remember from my faith community. If God knows our fate, no matter what path we choose in life it is neither correct nor wrong. Because “whatever happens was meant to happen.”

So what if there is no fate and when we depart our bodies we return our energy and soul to the universe, instead of simply going to heaven or hell? Regardless of how I was raised I’m beginning to believe that everything has an energy it gives off. Air, fire, trees, rocks, animals, and soil. These beliefs in all things sacred reminds me of Native traditions and ritualistic culture. These practices believe in harmony and respect towards the soul and energy of everything in nature, not simply compassion towards your fellow man and praise to a single Divine entity.

I would hate to rule out God in my life, and never will, but I like the idea of expansion within ourselves and the idea that everything has a purpose that works in synergy with each other. A synergy not towards praise of a single entity, but for something more…

maybe even something greater than the divine?